The one where a real bad guy appears.
One flaw a few people have assigned the first few episodes and I forgot to mention, was how lame the villains were. We got shit heads like discount bargain Weather Wizard, crybaby Private Clone, and fart joke Zsasz. This series needed a real bad guy asap. Enter Captain Cold, one of the flashes most beloved rouges, and a beloved character on the show. Let's go. Well Barry plays with his 3 friends, and also I doubt he is fast enough to play ping pong and also banter with his friends at the same time. That ping pong should be hitting the wall every time he stays there longer then a second. Well we see a money trunk getting robbed by the coolest gang in Central City. The Ice-Cubes. Also Leonard is using cold puns. Amazing.
Caitlin also sucks. So Barry stops all crime forever by kicking everyone's ass and the guy from prison break is mad. He guns down a guy, and Barry saves the man, but doesn't stop the criminals, because kicking the bikes must have been too hard for him. The cops come in at least an hour, and Eddie outs himself as a pervert to Joe. Barry tells the police he is a criminal who robs stuff, and says he knows how many criminals were there. Singh acts like a dick. Barry finds the criminal, Leonard Snart. Leonard is a badass name, btw. I know a Leonard. Barry says he wants to become the flash. But Iris prefers the streak. Still a better name then the blur. The blur is an awful name, and everyone in Smallville and Supergirl should feel bad. Iris wants to make her flash review blog series. NO! Only I can review the Flash on a blog series. All others are thin versions of myself.
Felicity comes in, referencing Nerd rage. Ahh, she read the reviews for season 3. Leonard mentions the police could never have got them, and blames one of his goons for shooting a guy. He kills him, saying he needs to be cool. Now, he's ready to kill the flash. So Felicity outs herself as a lesbian by wanting to bang Iris, and Barry pretends Iris is just a friend. Dude, men can't be friends with women! Ask all my female friends. So Felicity knows he has super speed, and she wants to see it. His dick. Also his speed. Barry shows her how fast he is. By showing her, his shoes burst in flames. He also shows her his base. Felicity also mentions she hacked into people's satellite. Barry also outs her as someone who works with the Arrow. Damn it, Barry is getting ready to reveal his identity to everyone. Wells comes in, kinda looking at Felicity like how people may see her now. Think, he knows her as the woman who helped ruin the world. Should be weird to learn she isn't evil... But a geeky woman. Kinda like learning Hitler would be a Brony.
Well Barry crashes into trying to be fast. Fuckin Barry. Joe tells Eddie he isn't friends with Eddie. Eddie wants to be besties with Joe, and Joe says no Iris talking. Eddie agrees. Radio instead tells how Eddie feels about Iris. Try the radio with Barry!
So Barry and Felicity admit they aren't fuckin. Iris wants to do trivia. Man, Iris is white. Be black. Play sudoku! Well Iris says she knows TV Tropes, and thinks Felicity wants Barry's arrow. If you know what I mean. I mean his penis. So Leonard heads out to Amazon and finds a super gun that has a freezing Ray. He asks if the guy knows anything, and he says nah, no one else knows. If anyone asked me that question, I would say tons. So at the trivia party, Barry is ready for this! Felicity comes in, and... Again, I hate to say this...
STOP MAKING ME WANT TO FUCK A BLONDE! God, this show must hate me. So at the world's most boring museum tour, the guide reveals her sexual fetish of some old guy who saved town while Leonard proves he isn't all bad. He gives a kid gum. See, in between his murders, he gives small children gum! What a nice guy. So Iris jumps down Barry's throat about how Barry needs to shove Felicity into an alleyway and show her why people call him the streak. Well while Iris wants Barry to screw someone, Cisco is screwed by Wells, who's PISSED that Cisco lost a gun that can kill Barry. How dare Cisco build a gun that can hurt speedsters. Again... A gun that can HURT speedsters. Yeah, now you know why he is so pissed.
Well Eddie feels bad that he doesn't know much about Arrow season 1 trivia, while R2-D2 acts awesome. Barry heads out while Felicity says he had to shit in a box. We'l Leonard calmly escapes while Joe runs as fast as he can. Leonard pulls his gun out of his ass (Still better then that fuckin riot shield. At least he has a coat!) and uses it to attack people. He can even hurt Barry with it. Damn, one of the billon of things that an hurt a speedster. Well, it's definitely in the top 10, but still. Barry though, is unable to save a man. Caitlin mentions that if Barry wasn't a speedster, he would have died. Cisco outs himself as the creator of the cold gun, saying he made it in case Barry was a douchebag. You know, like... Huh, I have no idea of any evil Barry. Is there an evil version of Barry? Mind control doesn't count. Well Barry is pissed, and is angry at Cisco. He says everyone should feel bad. Except Felcity, cause she literally had nothing to do with this.
Well Iris wants to know stuff, and Joe says no. Iris is tired of Joe being a sexist pig, and he says he needs to protect Eddie in case he dies, so Iris won't feel bad. Don't worry Joe, no one but Eddie can kill Eddie. Thank god I watch this show! So Leonard tells his gang he can kill the flash. They don't care, and ditch his ass. Leonard doesn't give no shits. He don't need them, he doesn't need anyone! Especially his not brother and his sister! Well Felicity says that Barry should sleep with her. Also just sleep in general. Barry though, says he must become faster. Felicity tells him that one needs to trust others to become a real group. Oliver gained her trust when she saw how great a man can be. She wants Barry to be like Oliver, and show people WHY they should follow him. It's a nice speech.
Well Leonard steals the diamond, and Cisco can learn where he is through his cold gun. Caitlin can also hack in seconds. BULL. SHIT. Look show, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! She has to enter into the actual website, then begin the hack. Plus, HACKING ISN'T JUST TYPING AND IT'S DONE?! How would she be such a great hacker if I could do that! Press 5 3 times and I can hack into anything?! Yeah no!
Well Barry heads out to stop Leonard, turning his earpiece off. Still a wee bit pissed. Joe heads out as well. Felicity says the gang should help Barry. Yes, 3 unfit nerds and a man in a wheelchair can help a man with super speed battle a highly deadly criminal with a gun that can freeze anything! Maybe Felicity just wants less competition in the saving business by smart people. Barry and Leonard are confronted by each other, and Leonard freezes the train. Leonard escapes, and Barry uses his speed to save EVERYONE in the train. Fuckin awesome.
Seeing him speed around a crashing train is so cool. The CGI is lame, but the thought is cool. Speaking of cool, Leonard freezes him. Leonard is ready to kill Barry, when his friends appear. Damn, maybe they are speedsters. Cisco is ready to shoot Leonard with his cold gun, and Leonard walks away, respecting Cisco. Cisco reveals his weapon... Is a vacuum cleaner.
Fuckin Cisco, being awesome! Barry and the others agree to find Leonard one day, and Wells and the others thank Felicity for hacking. Cause besides that, she was kinda just 'there'. That, and adding weird ship tease. A ship no one has ever shipped. Wells tells Cisco to never do that shit again. He doesn't need a speedster with a cold gun. Wait... Barry with a cold gun?!
I KNOW HOW THEY CAN DEFEAT SAVITAR! First... Get a banana peel!
Also, Joe and Iris make up for how shit went down from each other. Iris wants no more secrets. Joe has a face that says 'Oh shit, I'm so dead.' Well Felicity is checking her paper when Barry comes in. Felicity and then wonder why they like Oliver and Iris. Personally, I wouldn't mind a four way between these people. Oh man, now I'm picturing Oliver and Barry fucking. I LOVE IT! Add in a little Sara, Ray, Diggle, Kara, and maybe Mick to make it more fun. What I'm saying is... We need an orgy. Barry and Felicity kiss. So that's a go on the orgy? Well Leonard tells his not brother that the two need to work together to start up crimes. His Bubby agrees only in case he gets to star in a spinoff where he's clearly the best character in season 2. Leonard, and the audience, agrees.
Score: 7. Pretty good, but could be better. https://youtu.be/3suGfhnT2Sg
MVC: Leonard, for being a real antagonist.
MSC: Iris. I half expected her to put something in Felicity's and Barry's drink so the two can have sex. I get it Iris, you think the two are cute. Shut up about it!
Thoughts: Leonard is really the first flash villain the audience can respect thanks to not only winning, but in such a badass way that doesn't feel like dumb writing. While Felicity's inclusion was pointless, I still liked her scenes. Plus, Cisco made a gun that can kill Barry, and yet never builds this gun again when it's needed, so he's a moron.