In this episode, Oliver is stalked by a hot chick. The horror.
(STALKING IS WRONG, REGARDLESS OF GENDER AND HOW ATTRACTIVE THE STALKER IS, THIS WAS A MERE BAD JOKE!)
Draw Back your Bow
So six months ago, we're back to season 2. I miss season 2. Can we just go back to season 2? Well the gang has to stop the soldiers but Ollie and Diggle save a woman from the soldiers. They save her from the Mirakuru soldiers, and she takes Ollie's arrow. Well in the present, Quentin tells Oliver the Issac guy was killed by arrows and dressed up like him. Seems Oliver has an enemy pretending to be him, possibly wanting revenge on him for past misdeeds. Possibly a dark reflection of who he is as a person. Nah, that's stupid. So Ollie decides to get after the person who challenges his dick size. Well past Ollie is bitched at and Maseo heads out while he tells Ollie to do his laundry. Ahh, Ollie and Tatsu get to be besties! Felicity also learns she has a type. Rich handsome superheroes. Oh no, I wonder why any woman would want that. Ray says he will kill himself if Felicity doesn't go to a party with him. Felicity loves the idea but she likes the dress so she picks it.
So Diggle and Oliver decide who is doing this, saying whoever is doing this must be a psycho who hates him. Man, a certain star throwing psycho must be furiously jerking off in rage at this. Ray makes himself look like a dumbass on tv and Oliver breaks things with a hammer because he is jealous as fuck. Oliver finds an a dress on the arrowhead. Huh... You know, things would have been simpler if you did this.
Roy could be the guy! So he crew find whoever is doing this is doesn't hate Ollie... They love him. Well Stephen Amell is an attractive man, and he has a sense of humor... Yeah, I'd bang him. So Cupid calls him and says she wants to be his Yuno. She even picks out the perfect date for them, some guy she is gonna kill. Also the arrow symbol is a heart. So Roy looks depressed staring at porn while Oliver tells him to grow some balls. Roy leaves depressed while Felicity tells him the target is one of Starlings most stereotypical and lame mob bosses. Felicity says she is going on a date with the oversized man wiener formerly known as Ray. Ollie is sad. So Tatsu is sad she is hanging with the loser formerly known as Oliver, and she wants to save her husband. Ollie thinks she's lame. Maseo says he can't even make laundry, so how can he hope to do shit? So now, we meet the greatest subplot about one of TV's greatest characters ever... DJ NANDAPARBEATS!
Oh boy, he was despised so much at first, but now fans love him for the fact it turns out he was an assassin pretending to be a douche DJ. Note however he knows how to DJ, suggesting that was his old life before he became a masked killer for an evil cult. Well DJ douche ninja says auditions are over, the guy with the best meme name is here. Thea kicks him to the curb. Seems Thea is not a fan of memes. So Felicity finds that Cupid used to be a member of S.W.A.T, and also she is his stalker, and likes fertilizer. Huh. So Roy and Ollie head out to find Roy almost skewered by Cupid. Poor Roy gets his ass kicked off screen.
Poor Stupid Roy Moment: 46
So Roy is called a wingman because he is there to make Ollie look even better. Well Cupid's actress sucks, but she's a red head so she gets a pass. She brought a cupcake to the date. Daww, she has this girlfriend thing down. She wants Oliver's body while Oliver saves the guy and beats him up for being happy. Roy feels bad he lost his virginity again. They learn she was crazy before and decide to see her doctor. Diggle decides to check if Felicity is happy she betrayed the gang for a dress, a random P, and Ray's adorably dumb hair. Well Diggle and Felicity ship Olicity while I bang my head and vomit because we know how it goes. Just gonna say this scene is very organic. Best insult I got.
So we meet the white yet non lesbian version of Maggie Sawyer. Ahh Smallville, your tentacles still surround even Arrow. Oliver asks about Cupid and she says Cupid can only be stopped... By dating her. Maggie says she can give Oliver therapy, but Oliver doesn't do white non lesbian Maggie saw years. So Ollie and Tatsu bond over their mutual hatred, acting like the plot of an early 2000's animated kid show. Ollie finds out Tatsu is Japanese, not Chinese. He asks why she left Japan, and she admits the Hand... Pfft, yeah right. Nah, it's Yakuza. Fuckin Yakuza, with their great Yakuza games. Oliver gets beat up. Meanwhile, Felicity is sexually harassed by Ray. This is gonna turn out to be 50 shades of Green 3, isn't it?
So Carrie reveals she has her own fat loser hacker. Because hackers are either fat balding losers or hot Jewish chicks. Or Cisco. He finds where Oliver is, and asks for his payment. Carrie kills him. Huh, kinky. She then kisses the computer. Reminds me of my prom date. Lance finds the dead guy and tells Ollie his killer girlfriend. Ollie wants Felicity to help but Diggle is too busy shipping Olicity. Diggle, get your head out of your ass! Suddenly this ep becomes an Olicity ep. Diggle is usually the MVP, but his weird habit of shipping his friends is creepy. So in the flashbacks, Tatsu saves Oliver by killing some bitchass losers who reveal Maseo has been kidnapped by Triad. Ray tries to buy a company while Carrie is in the club. Weird DJ guy is fired for playing generic music. DJ weird ass ninja who also stole Thea's virginity decides to play different generic music. Everyone is happy for some reason.
Maybe everyone in their is an assassin trying to make DJ titty fucking Ghul look good? Well Felicity says Ray is an average businessman, but an amazing scientist. Finally, I made a dumb Dragon ball refrence. Hand me all your money! So Diggle tells Oliver that Carrie is in the club, while some song no one remembers is playing. Also Cupid has a cupids kiss. HOW FUCKING CUTE! Oliver tells her he hates that club ever since DJ dies on a dam was hired. Cupid says he better be good, or she kills everyone in the club. Thank god everyone their is an assassin. Wait, this is season 3 LOA members. She probably could. Probably even easier then normal people. Ollie learns their special place is where he saved her, and she thinks she can fuck him to become her lover.
Cupid also thinks Non lesbian Maggie is a psycho. Agreed, anything connected to Smallville is sick. Oliver tells her to stop being evil, or else... He'll hit her. He also says he has to be alone because fuck you Felicity and Diggle, sometimes a person wants to be single. Why can't a hero just want to be single for the sake they like being single? Meh, whatever. So the two fight and he kicks her ass. She however uses storm grate attack and everyone knows crazy people are 2x effective in dark damp places. So she ties him up for a train. All she needs is a twirly mustache and it's perfect! So Ollie breaks his hand and saves the two. She thinks he loves her, he thinks 'FUCK, I BROKE MY HAND!' He hands her to Suicide Squad, because they need a Harley while getting around trademarks. Diggle tells Oliver he needs to get Olicity together. Oliver wonders if he should send Diggle to Suicide squad for that.
Tatsu and Oliver find Maseo is back home. He shows he's fine while Akio is disgusted by love. Oliver feels lonely and kinda awkward, but does the laundry. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT! So Thea is both pissed and turned on DJ blondie bear is still around, and he sexually harasses her. Thea is turned on by creepy perverts. Ray takes his money back from Felicity, and acts like a creepy pervert. Ollie walks away, disgusted by sexual harrasment. Geez, everyone in this ep is sexually harrased. Ollie by Diggle, Thea by DJ what's his name, and Felicity by Ray. Ollie should sexually harass Roy to make things perfect. Roy is finally happy to eat food beyond gruel, and Ray says he wants to build a suit. An... Iron suit. A... A.T.O.M suit, if you will. Because the Atom and Iron Man are the same thing. Also a guy with a boomerang kills an Asian guy. Fuckin boomerangs.
Score: 5. Average, nothing more, nothing less https://youtu.be/ussCHoQttyQ
MVP: Akio, for not sexually harassing someone.
MSC: Maggie, for not being a lesbian.
Thoughts: Cupid came off too strong, the Olicity was annoying, and Smallville made me dislike this ep. Still, DJ Nandaparbeats was fun, Oliver doing laundry was funny, and I got my Roy sucks quota.