Hello, my name is Nobody700, and welcome to 'Nobody700 reads Christmas stories'. Last time I was here, I was arrested for prostitution. Today we shall read, 'How the Arrow saved Christmas Nights from Santa's pimp slaves Carol dreams' or, known in France as...
Once upon a time, their was a vigilante named Oliver Queen, who was a misery man about to die. He said bah humbug to living, while the littlest soon to be orphan Barry went to check on Oliver. Oliver though, thought orphans should be sent to homes, so he refused all way to be healed. Seems Barry believes the power of rat poision will save Oliver, and maybe make his heart three times bigger. So he sees the ghost of Vigilante past, Shado. She wants Ollie dead, and so Oliver helps by bringing Barry with him. Oliver awakens to see his friends angry at him for not saying thank you. Oliver says Bah humbug, and plans to arrow Barry. He does not scare Barry, who has seen Joe's under-where collection far too many times. Barry can also find the rouge who kicked Oliver's ass this side of Central City.
So Oliver heads back to home, disturbed by the blot of mustard he has had, and goes to see that Thea is playing doctor with Roy. Roy, BTW, is basically Tiny Tim without his dignity. Seems Roy has been struck with the plague as well. Oliver decides to help, by ripping the arrow out in a very painful way. He also cries, like a little bitch.
Poor Stupid Roy Moment: 28
Ollie calls Diggle to patch up Roy, and Diggle comes with his reindeers and sleigh. Oliver wants these morons away from his life, where he fights crime and not grabs little boys wants. Thea decides to, as the kids say... Fuck that noise. So Oliver has his undercooked potato go to his head, and he sees the ghostly shadow of... Shado. This is 1000x more funnier if you think he is having a conversation with a coat rack. Shado wants him to stop, but Ollie refuses. Thea knocks him back to sense, and he dashes away to a flashback. Ivo's black pirates use their scurry to see that Slade has been infected. With the T-VIRU... I mean Mirakuru. An entire case of it they now have, yes? So Ivo, the biggest grinch ever, and I mean grinch as in cunt, makes Ollie choose who to kill. Sara, or Shado. So Blood uses his who drugs to take over Whoo ville.
Barry references some past bad guys, with him telling Oliver that he has been infected with a mess of beef, so he has been visited by three ghosts. Barry tells Oliver what his job should be, and I must say... I do not believe I am reading the right story. Where is Oliver porking Miss. Claus? Why is Felicity not arranging an orgy to pray to Baphomet to kill the Demi God of Christmas nights? Will Diggle even join the KKK?! Fine, I watched this episode while high. ON VERTIGO! Also weed. So Felicity finds the cur who rough housed her future lover and then bitch toy, with Diggle wanting to help. So Laurel is met up Thea, who they want her to check on Max. They give evidence to why he couldn't have OD'd, and Laurel checks on it with swift haste. So Diggle goes in, and things seem rather clean. Also Solomon Grundy has his poem laying around. How cute.
So Grundy kicks Diggle's ass and our hero's bravely run away like cowards. Heroicly, of course. So Lance is called in to hear the merry news that he has to now do his job. But it seems Slade is there. Slade, not yet honey. So Ollie outsources to the police. At his wonderful life of flashbacks, he is made to make a decision. The girl with the booty, or the girl with the booty. He accidentally though, blocks for Sara. Shado... Is killed.
I hate Ivo now.
So, Oliver brings in Laurel, who brings the Ho in Ho Ho Ho. So Laurel says the blood drive is up and up, but they have psych evaluations. So Barry uses his wizza wats and Biizzle bots to find out more of Solomon, and Barry seems to be Bisexual for Oliver. Yes, my fan fictions are coming true! So Harrison Welles places in the news he is not evil... In fact, he is the reverse. Inside joke. So Lance heads to the police, and the only black guy not named Diggle is part of it. Oh man, he dead. He even mentioned his wife. So the evil cop wants in, and warns Blood. Blood tells Grundy to go all Solomon on them, and this time, not be a shitty weak sauce boss in Arkham City.
So Ollie heads to the Quiver to Quiver, while he sees ghosts of the past. Like Slade. Also, nice for making half his face shadowed. So the police head in, where they are attacked by Grundy who treats them less like opponents and more like pests. Lance is boxed out of the fight, and his black best friend aids him, only to be killed for being black. Slade monologues of how Oliver sucks for what he has done. Sure, he may have helped a man nearly kill everyone in China... Wait, I mean Season 2. So Slade kicks his ass, and Ollie says he tried to save him. But Slade is less then impressed, and owns him even harder then Malcolm or Grundy. Also, it's a 1,000,000x funnier if you think Ollie got into a fight with a coat rack. Also, I liked the scene.
So Blood is on a date with Laurel, who hears horrible news. Her dads black best friend was killed. White people desperately need their black best friend. Oliver cleans up his mess and it seems he is hallucinating from his mind. Oh shit, crazy vigilante is not good. Felicity also has something horrible to see. The fans reaction to her in Season 4. So Laurel breaks it to Lance that his friend has died.
Lance's black best friend: 2016-2016, you will be missed Black best friend to Lance.
Also to note, he needs to be a real character to upgrade from Black Best friend. Like its the reverse for Joe. Eddie is Joe's white best friend. Oliver tells Lance he is to blame for is friend's death, but Lance doesn't blame him. He also got a key from him. He wants Ollie to avenge them. Like... An avenger. PETITION FOR OLIVER TO REPLACE HAWKEYE! So Ollie says he saw Slade to Diggle, and he says he is dead. Oh man, really? Diggle tells Ollie he had a story just like this. Just take the advice hey give you. Felicity learns the key was made to be in the Glades,and Oliver says he must use his Who Bow to slaughter a Who Pig. So Roy breaks into a blood bank for he is a vampire, and sees Max has a big red Mirakuru on him. Wow, these Guys want to be caught.
So Roy learns he is in a blood bank about to be set on fire, and runs away. But he gets his ass kicked by Grundy. So Roy is made to be given Mirakuru. However, Ollie time! He arrows people, and asks for the Mirakuru. Blood says he can't be stopped, and Solomon Grundy goes wrecking ball on Oliver. Roy suffers, and dies. YAY! But don't worry, the Ghost of Vigilante Future is here, to tell Ollie he has a beard stubble, and wants him to survive. So Ollie makes Grundy crumble. He saves Roy, and reveals to him he is Ollie! Damn it, now Roy has to live. Just to go 'WHAAAAAAAA' Roy heads home beaten up and most likely has 'Tiny Penis' doodled on his forehead. Hey, get it right... Micro.
Blood goes on news saying he can save the city, while he tells his boss that everything up to now has been this guys plan. The man says he can use his blood to get Mirakuru, and leave Oliver alone. He wants Oliver to suffer... For taking his eye, killing the women he loves, and leaving him to die. Only Slade, can make Oliver suffer. He will crucify Thea, he shall decapitate Moria, he will place Felicity in a gas chamber, he shall whip Diggle to death, he shall bisect Laurel, he shall break every bone in Sara's body, he shall crush the heart of Roy... And he shall shove in arrow in Oliver's eye. With his remaining eye, he shall see his city burning and crumbling... And then... Then Oliver has his permission to die.
SWEET DREAMS! So flashback Slade awakens to find he is pissed off. He heads out, and in a matter of seconds, is halfway through the island and kills everyone in his way. Slade sees Shado dead, and he is enraged, wanting to know why. Sara saves Ollie's butt. Oliver comes to the base to say Roy may become crazy my day. He also knows that the man is preparing for war by creating super soldiers. Barry heads home, and it seems he called Felicity to tell her he shall deal with dangerous chemicals in thunder while a particle accelerator explodes. Hmm... Should I review Flash now? Man, I can't wait! So Barry now has super powers. Hooray! Also, I like the entire scene. It's awesome.
The Flash is here, and now the impossible... Has become possible. Also lightning gave him abs. So Ollie gets a nice Christmas present... Domino mask! Now he doesn't look like a chump.
Score: 8, Pretty good with some flaws. https://youtu.be/w6MBuh3Es_8
MVC: Slade. He is awesome in every scene, and I love it.
MSC: Evil cop. I bet he's racist.
Thoughts: The flash portions I love, Slade being evil I love, and Shado dying... Expected, but not loved. Still, great episode. A nice Christmas treat.