So in our next... Hey, WHAT THE FUCK...
<Is beat up>
(In shitty fake Russian accent) I am Nobody440, from Motherland Soviet Russia. In Soviet Russia, review reviews you!
Keep your enemies Closer
So that pussy Nobody700 likes this show of superheroes fighting crime? You American capitalist enjoy your fantasies, for soon, Putin will use bear army to wipe out your weak congress with his abs. I am not gay. So that weenie boy Roy places a message, while the sexy lady Isabel makes my loins cold as Serbia, while Oliver makes mine grow for a reason. I am not gay. So Felicity wears red (She has turned to glorious motherland! However, her hips are too small to breed real Russians, so she shall me stripper.) Oliver says fuck off, while Felicity tells him about plans with Weenie boy. Isabel wants to work, but Oliver is ready to have hot sweaty sex. I am not gay.
(A hamburger attacks Nobody440)
Damn that Russian. So, what I miss? Oh, just Ollie insulting Roy for being a wimp.
Level 5: Uber Weenie mode achieved
So some gangsters do gangster stuff while Ollie arrows them. Roy tries to be badass, and Diggle tells him what to do. Roy punches the guy in the same way a season 5 promo of the show would do. Lance arrests Roy for the crime of being Roy in the first degree. Sadly, Diggle is tazed, and TASK FORCE X WANTS HIM?! WHAT?!
(Bear mauls me)
That American dog always ruins mother Russia's plan to destroy all hope for fat obese man baby Americans. So Diggle, a black... I am not racist. Just don't let him near anything expensive. Or not nailed down. In fact, just keep him tied up. So we learn that puny Americans have a skinny version of Waller leading their ARGUS unit while she should be fat. She also knows Diggle and Oliver are disgusting gays. I am not gay. So she wants Diggle to save Lyla, because Black men can easily stalk white women. So Lance arrests Weenie boy where he seems to know Lance is part of their gay team. Lance lets him go because he feels bad for weenie boy. You American police are so weak and limp handed when it comes to crime. If it was me, I would have had him chopped into 52 pieces...
<Is hit by a fat guy>
NO 52 JOKES! So the particle accelerator is told it is dangerous. Please, name me ONE danger. Beyond the 3,000 dangers it can produce. So Diggle wants to head out to Russia, but Ollie says no... We are heading to Russia. How sweet, friendship IS Magic.
So Ollie tells Ivo in his flashbacks he is Tommy, and that he was the only survivor, pretending not to know Sara. Ivo wants to know of the burials, and explains how Japan tried to build a giant robot to win. That failed, and decided to make super soldiers. Fuck Captain America, here comes Japanese guy with super strength! But they were stopped here at Lian Yu, so Ivo wants it. So at Russia OH MY GOD!
<Is blown up by nuke>
MOTHER RUSSIA, THE WORLDS GREATEST NATION, WHERE IT IS ILLEGAL TO BE GAY, BLACK, OR AMERICAN! I WOULD SAY GOD BLESS, BUT GOD DIED WHEN STALIN KILLED HIM WITH HAMMER AND PICK AXE!
So Isabel says she is Russian, so she shall come. She has small hips, but can be stripper. I am not gay. So they head out to Russia, and I cry when I see flag, because I am true patriot!
Points: ALL THE RUSSIAN!
So she thinks he and Felicity are fucking, and that is silly. Name me one reason why those two should fuck. Oliver and Diggle become men, while Thea sees her mother's lawyer is ready to tell her to ditch the weenie boy, because everyone hates her. I may despise Nobody700, but I shall keep his record.
Poor Stupid Roy Monment: 26
So at a good Russian bar, we see Antatoli, who somehow likes Diggle despite being black. Oliver tells him to drink, or die. So they praise RUSSIA, MOTHER RUSSIA IS GREAT, RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA... Is that Kim Kardashian?
<Is butt slammed by Kim Kardashian>
So Antaloi tells them to be very careful, because the prison is super dangerous. Diggle goes in, wanting to be a prisoner. Diggle is given drugs because this is awful for him. Felicity uses product placement to show him what to do, while Felicity wonders why Diggle is doing this so much. Diggle says they were married. Oh my. So he heads out, while Diggle is arrested for being black in the third degree. Also cause he has enough drugs to kill me after Season 3. So Diggle heads to prison, and he has his coat stolen. Meanie pants. The guard they need is there, and sees Diggle, so that's good. So Diggle meets up with a guy who tells him that black people are not popular here. Fuckin Racists.
So the Bravta get a police truck, while Ollie threatens to kill some guy in a very brutal way, but tells Felicity he said please. I know my people who know as Russia. So Antaloi in the boat jokes with Ollie, while Sara seems to be on Ollies side now. She tells him to be careful, while Slade is being patched up by Shado, while he is dying. Man, he looks bad. So he begins to die, so Shado must sleep with him to save him! Thea tells Roy to fuck off people everyone in all the universe's and time lines think Roy is too much of a weenie to hang around with. She dumps Roys ass, and he looks like he is about to cry. Because I am a dick...
Poor Stupid Roy Moment: 27
So Diggle is in the prison kitchen where... Hey, is that Lenin's zombie? HOLY FUCK NUGGETS!
Fuckin American. So Diggle gets into fight with respectable Russian men, and he is taken to super prison. Oliver sees that Isabel is there, and it seems Isabel knows her alchohol. Good woman. I am not gay. So Diggle is made to suffer for the crime of stealing, while we see his friend in their is Deadshot. Diggle is angry at Deadshot, and let's out screams of passion. He tells Diggle that Lyla found him there. So Isabel and Oliver talk of buisness. Isabel tries to be feminist, and is arrested for being lesbian. She says Oliver is more then he looks, and we see that this steamy hot love is interrupted by a Black on ice. So Oliver uses very good Russian that makes me happy to be Russian.
Points: ALL THE RUSSIAN!
Russian makes her hot, and they have sex. Man, if only she had a penis... Wait... Umm... I am not gay! So Deadshot kills the guard, and tells Diggle he will get Lyla if Diggle frees him. So after quick sex, Isabel does not cuddle. Good woman. Evolve from Stripper to Hooker. Felicity is sad that Olivers disco stick is not in her. So Diggle and Deadshot harass innocent and kind Russian men, while Felicity and Oliver argue of hot sex. Hey... Is that Nobody... Oh no... ITS...
<Is hit on the head by a crossiant>
<In terrible French accent>
Ho Ho Ho, I am Nobody232, and I am from France. I heard a bilingual review was on, so I came. Then I joined the review! Ho Ho Ho, I am French. So Oliver remembers of how he was stuck in a dirty English hotel where Sara saves him. Antaloi wants to be saved, and Ollie promises to do so. I wonder if he does. I say no, fuck anyone not French! So Sara gets him to use a radio to call in for help, where Shado answers. But it was a trap! Damn American swine, always cowards who betray everyone. Never trust them, trust me. I'm French. I'd still fuck her though. So Diggle opens the door, and frees Lyla. I would fuck her. Hey, is that... Oh shit!
<Is taken out by crane kick>
Okay, no more! Just Me! So one Russian guy explodes after stealing Diggle's coat, and he escapes with dead bodies everywhere. Deadshot gets his gun and eyepatch back. They fight off some guys, while one of the guards kicks his Buddy's ass. It's Ollie! Hip Hip, Hooray! So Diggle stops the truck and tells Floyd to fuck off. Floyd does so, but tells Diggle something important. Someone wanted Andy dead, and that person... Was H.I.V.E. Holy shit, I would be blown away... If Season 4 didn't ruin them. And Andy. So Diggle takes her home, while Isabel just goes 'meh, it was sex' excuse me...
Trust me, it is a vomit thing. So Ollie was used for sex yet again, and Diggle thanks Ollie for everything. Roy heads to the prison to see Moria and Roy hanging, with Moria telling Thea to stop being a moron, she should date Roy if she should. But no, really, dump his ass. She disapproves of his Weenie ass. So Diggle and Lyla must have fucked cause she is wearing his shirt, and Diggle seems to have let his rage of Deadshot go, because now he has new targets! Yay! So they have more chemistry in this scene then Diggle ever did with Carly in season 1. Diggle looks up H.I.V.E on her phone, but sees nothing but rants from Season 4.
So Felicity asks why he fucked Isabel, and he says 'Baby, my dick needs a woman'. She is less then impressed by this, and states he needs a real women. Go Girl! So Sara says let Ollie live, and Ivo says he needs him to find the graves. He then insults Sara. He also knows his real name! Meh.
Score: 7. Pretty good, but could be better. https://youtu.be/3suGfhnT2Sg
MVC: Diggle. Any episode starring Diggle makes him the one.
MSC: Nobody440. He is not gay.
Thoughts: Well this was more of a 'Important things coming soon' episode, but Antatoli was nice, wasn't he? Also I killed Nobody440 and Nobody232, so don't worry about them.