In today's episode, I reference Heroes and Alias... Oh wait, I won't. That would be stupid.
So that guy from heroes, Alias, and tons of shows of sci fi has been released from jail. He heads to his lawyers home, referencing past episodes, and murderers his lawyer for it. HOPE NO ONE ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT WHERE HE IS, AND WHY YOU'RE LIVING AT HIS HOME?!
This is not a good start folks. So Diggle points out the list is identical to his. He thinks Moria is bad news. He only says that cause she tried to get him fired. So in a flashback of flashbacks, Ollie is on the island and heads to a broken plane. That's when he's attacked by an Australian ninja! He threatens Ollie, and Oliver states that he's Yaoi fei's best friend. The ninja seems to know Fei. Now, Lance is being bossed around because it turns out the police like a guy who saves people. Lance however, despises him for saving lives because that makes Lance's shitty work ethic look even worse. Look, when Lance comes off as a Gotham cop in year one of batman... YOU MAY HAVE PROBLEMS IN MAKING HIM LIKEABLE!
So Ollie checks in with Moria, asking about the list in a totally non suspicious way. Moria says that the list is something Robert has favors from. Not bad excuse! Thank god Moria is smart. Oliver claims they are evil, and Moria expertly throws it away to make the family seem safe from these 'bad people'. Oh damn, did she suck the brains out of Cyrus and Lance? Thea complains to Laurel about working, and she meets up with the main character of Anastasia. So the police and D.A can't arrest Cyrus... Despite him living at his lawyers house, and the lawyer is missing. EVERYONE IS STUPID! Tommy calls, but Laurel shuts him down for the hood.
Oliver thinks Moria is good, and Diggle calls him a moron. Damn, thank god Diggle is smart. However, Oliver refuses to believe his mom is bad... Which I won't take away. Would you want to believe your mom is evil? I wouldn't! So Laurel calls Oliver... And she tells him the police KNOW ABOUT THE HOUSE, AND THE MISSING LAWYER! AY8HBSTGBUQI0BYTUDG09W7GH79SGQ8U0YGVS9TGS80YVWYBWSUYSV7TSVGW8
Oh my god, EVERYONE IN THIS EPISODE IS AN UTTER, MORON! What, did those drug dealers in Vertigo infect the water supply in revenge?! Is everyone acting stupid because of that?! RAGE! So Laurel, somehow not being brain dead, thinks Cyrus is dangerous. Oliver heads out, and Diggle asks him if he's leaving his mom alone. Lance is called up by his guy that Laurel called Oliver, and Lance sets up a task force. So at Cyrus's mansion, he has armed guards (POLICE!!!!!!!) And Ollie breaks in. Cyrus though, has a way to be me boss. Ollie, like a dumbass, fires a bug super close to him, and he knows it's there. Also, a gun is fired close. Oh man, even Ollie is stupid! Cyrus says that the best way to get respect, is take down the best. A.K.A, Stay Puft man! Then, The hood!
So Laurel and Tommy go on a date, where Oliver interrupts it to ask Laurel why he sucks so much. Lance brings his team to take them down, and... Oh my god, no wonder they are leaving Cyrus alone... THEY'RE AFTER ONLY OLLIE! FUCK THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!
So, Laurel ditches Tommy for some hood love, with Moria being driven by Diggle, A.K.A, the Black Driver. Diggle and Moria bond over their loathing of Oliver. She asks him to meet up with shady people. Diggle, being one of the few smart people in this episode finds this shady. But when he goes in, all he sees is Milfs hanging with Moria. Yes, I said Milfs. So Laurel and Oliver have their rooftop meeting (Always a rooftop, never a park) where he is attacked by Lance. Oliver, our hero, holds her hostage. YAY! He runs off, with Lance chasing after him.
They have a game of cat and mouse, where Oliver kicks Lance's ass.
He deserves that! Laurel then calls Lance a moron... AND I'M ON HER SIDE! Lance was a major asshole, and she calls him a bastard for using her as bait. She may have lied, but he manipulated her. Even when she told the truth. Can't believe this... BUT I'M GIVING LAUREL A POINT!
Lance wants the phone back, and Laurel hands it to him. Diggle points out that Laurel is one of Olivers many many many many weaknesses. He also confesses that he suspects Moria is evil. Oliver is pissed, but Diggle has none of it. By this point, even Oliver can't argue with him. So Laurel tells Tommy she has met up with the Hood, and Tommy finds it strange that his girlfriend hangs with a crazy vigilante who kills. He also doesn't like liars, and leaves Laurel. Episode, you are saving yourself!
So Cyrus thinks Oliver stole his move, and we see his big boobed friend has inside help in the police, and they decide to kidnap Laurel. Oliver and Tommy talk about Laurel (FAILS THE BECHDEL TEST, SHOW HAS FAILED FEMINISM!) With him talking about how she lies, and they talk about how she's pulling a them. Being a douchebag. Tommy thinks Laurel wants to fuck the hood... And I agree. He is willing to penetrate. Oliver tells him to talk to Tommy, before fucking up with Laurel. Back at the plane, Oliver and the Australian ninja plan to get out of the island by an airfield. So, he decides to train Oliver how to fight to hep him take the airstrip.
They battle, and he insults Oliver. Oliver explains that he is kind of a badass, and he teaches Ollie a lesson by slamming him down. Laurel is then kidnapped. She tries to fight back, and almost succeeds, but Cyrus uses a taser to take her down. So Diggle drives her to her next place, where she meets Malcolm. Malcolm makes sure the Undertaking will go down fine, and asks her to destroy info of the Queens gambit. Diggle checks in, and when a guard comes in, he uses a lighter and cigarette to hide the bug. Do you wonder why I like Diggle?
So Tommy walks in to find that Cyrus has kidnapped Laurel... And admitted... It...on record.... IUOBDUBbewuyfbweifbyusbfuydsbciuwbfyubwefufwrebywbfvuw
YOU STUPID MORON, THE POLICE WILL ARREST YOU AFTER YOU KILL HER! YOU, ARE THE DUMBEST BAD GUY, EVER! I AWARD YOU NEGATIVE 3 POINTS, BECAUSE THAT REFLECTS YOUR I.Q, YOU STUPID DAMN SON OF A BITCH!
Ahh... I'm sorry. So Tommy heads to the police, and Lance wonders how he knew. That means someone in the police force is on his side. He decides to ally with the one man he trusts.... Diggle! I mean, Diggle comes in to tell Ollie that his mom is shady. Slim shady. Oliver reacts with anger, at everyone. But before he can rage, Lance calls him to tell him Laurel has been kidnapped. So in a flashback, the Australian confesses that he doesn't want Ollie to suffer, so he will kill him before he can be tortured. Oliver, knowing that getting his ass kicked without squealing is his superpower, breaks his hand. He then decks him.
He then says his name is Slade. Awesome! Slade decides Ollie is cool. Oliver heads to meet Lance, who hates Ollie for being competent, and needs his help to save Laurel. So they head out, while Laurel tells Cyrus he is a bad man. No duh! He explains that he knows Ollie will defeat his men, but he counted how many bows can go into a quiver and made that many guards for it. Okay, the siege scene is awesome. Credit due.
Also Cyrus claims he is no Einstein. No, you are not. So Oliver is captured by his last guy, but Lance comes in, and Oliver teaches his bitch feminism. By beating her ass. He stops Lance from killing Cyrus, but Lance still acts like a dick by not reading him his rights. Something you must do. Laurel says that she still hates her dad, and boo HOO I give no single shits.
So Oliver checks on Laurel, and gives a whiny speech about risk and blah blah blah! God, I am tired of this Emo crap. So at flashbacks, Slade and Oliver know they need each other, so Slade gets him ready to train. Oliver, heads to some weapons, and learns that Slade... HAS THE MASK! Slade reveals that the mask was from his partner, but Oliver has some problems with it. Slade reveals that Yaoi Fei lied about everything, that he is a spy, sent to save Yaoi Fei. So back at present, Oliver admits that it's time... So he breaks into Queen Consolidated, and tells his own mother, she has failed the city. Epic.
Score: 5. Average, nothing more, nothing less https://youtu.be/ussCHoQttyQ
Thoughts: Cyrus is so far, the worst Bad guy yet. The episode has nearly everyone act like idiots, and even worse, only being saved by Diggle and the epic end, along with a far better second half. Still... I can't stress this, Fuck these morons.